I lasted four days.
It became apparent to me almost immediately that I was not going to be right for the job. It was not going to be the job I thought it was and so, after getting incredibly stressed out and having a bit of a meltdown, I told them I couldn't do it. That was the hardest thing to do.
I felt completely awful and like a total let down and a fraud. I tried so hard to convince myself to keep going and hope it would get better but my gut instinct said otherwise. I had to listen to my instincts as otherwise I was going to make myself ill.
And so it is that I am now without work and more scarily without a salary but somehow I feel more relaxed and happier than I have for years. Mr Moog has been incredible, a real tower of strength. He knows I haven't been coping for a while and saw how anxious I got with the new job. So, we've decided I'll take a bit of a break, get my ducks back in a row and then see what happens.
In my heart, I know that I want to work for myself and get my business going. I've been making steps in the right direction.
I've been making these little wash-bags for an order for Enchanted Plants and have an order for a big batch of lavender sachets.
I have a list as long as my arm of projects to make, with a view to dusting off the shelves in my Etsy shop and maybe even opening up a Folksy store. My mind is buzzing with creative plans and ideas and it feels so good!
It feels like I've got me back again!
I've been enjoying spending time on Instagram and getting back in touch with the big wide craft world out there. Mr Moog was worried I'd be bored or lose my confidence being at home, just me and my Moogs but every day simply flies by and the interaction with friends via text and Instagram mean I'm never lonely.
So, for now I'm going to see how it goes, make a real effort to get my business going and give myself a chance to breath and get over the stresses of September.
This blog post has taken forever to write, especially as I know many of you already know about the work thing from Facebook and IG but I wanted to write it. It's part of the process of drawing a line under recent events and looking forward to a future full of possibility.
Hugs and huge thanks to all of you dear friends who've been so kind and supportive.
Onwards and upwards!
love Moogs xx