Friday, July 6, 2012

Things I've learned

Being a helpful sort I do like to share the knowledge and experience I gather as I go about my doings, so please think of this illuminating post as a heartfelt gift from me to you.
Thing #1
No matter how much your latest knitting WIP makes you want to kick the dog it really is worth persevering....especially if it means you get to have your feet and legs covered in tiny owls.

Thing #2
Kool Aid does amazing things to wool.....and possibly to your innards if you actually drink it.

Thing #3
Year 7 homework is a lot more exciting than year 6 - if you look up 'wildlife of the River Tigris' on Google images you will get a load of pictures of tigers (not found near the River Tigris) and a photo of a lady in a gstring bending over with her bottom facing the camera.
Thing #4
Even after 3 years of sock knitting and 50++ pairs completed it is still possible to get completely giddy with excitement when you try out a completely new way of knitting a sock (work with me here!).
Cat Bordhi is a knitting genius, as exemplified in her fantastic Sweet Tomato Heel socks.
She's also a lovely woman who will welcome you warmly on her Ravelry forum after you've posted a cringingly effusive message about how awesome both she and her socks are.
Thing #5
Going out in the British summer wearing flip flops and sunglasses, cropped trousers and a thin cotton blouse means you will get rained on....heavily.
Thing #6
Having a teeny weeny new car becomes very exciting when you find the parcel office car park is full to capacity....but you can still park in the motorbike shed.

Thing #7
Despite being convinced that you can still lose weight and enjoy three big glasses of wine a night you will find the reverse is often true. As a die hard
wino  wine drinker take it from me - getting into smaller jeans makes you feel much better than the wine does....2.5 stone down but still a way to go :o)

Thing #8
Your dog does not always like eating the same things as you. I, for instance, would never eat hedgehog poo. Merlin Moog? It's his current favourite food.
Thing #9
No matter how much you love your new spinning hobby it is never acceptable to snigger at the Spinning Guild, or click 'funny' on the UKSpinners forum on Ravelry, when someone is voicing their desire to have a bigger orifice. Get over it and stop being childish or at least keep your mirth to yourself.

Thing #10
Cardboard tubes are possibly the best invention ever. These versatile packaging items can be put to many uses.

Thing #10
Don't believe bloggers who tell you that homemade elderflower cordial is easy and delicious. Ok, it was easy I'll give them that but despite slavishly following Hugh's recipe, spending £10 on pretty bottles, and thoroughly sterilising said bottles you will end up with something that just tastes...meh...and after two weeks grows an interesting greeny grey fungus such that the whole lot gets flushed down the drain. Console yourself that you now have bottles ready for sloe gin which is a much better idea.
Thing #11
After months of no sewing you will get a huge thrill out of cracking out the sewing machine, even if it is only to help your son sew a 1 inch seam securing a piece of elastic to Sackboy's new 'Batman' cape.
Thing #12
Wearing your raincoat, boots and thick socks on a cool, drizzly British summer's day guarantees that the sun will be blazing and you will have sweated off ten pounds by the time you get back from walking the dog.
Thing #13
Even though he's nearly 40 and a grown man with a mind of his own and grown up responsibilities that don't include housework or ironing apparently , your beloved will be too scared to tell his parents that he's bought a shiny new motorbike and will keep it covered when they're visiting this weekend and will threaten the children and the dog with dire consequences should they so much as allude to the big green beast hiding on the driveway.
Thing #14
Your 11 year old daughter will grow up far too fast. When she begins nagging you for highlights in her hair don't be fooled into thinking you saying 'No. I don't want you putting nasty chemicals on your hair at this age. You have time for all that when you're older' will suffice.
She will:
a) suddenly have several helpful friends whose mothers have let them have highlights
b) have a friend with a mother who is a hairdresser who helpfully tells her you can get highlights without 'the nasty chemicals' these days
c) hate you because you are the most overbearing, old fashioned, boring mother in the whole wide school.
d) have to just deal with it cos it ain't happening Minx....noooo way! You got me on the ear piercing but you ain't gettin' me on this one.

Thing #15
That 11 year old daughter of yours has been told what class she'll be in at secondary school in September and not a single one of her current classmates is with her.  You expect tears and tantrums. You actually get beaming smiles of relief as she's finally 'away from all the bitchy girls' and with the lovely ones she's always liked. You will do a happy dance at this point.

Thing #16
Youtube is your friend. Whatever new skill/hobby/thing you want to learn about someone has made a Youtube video about it.
Things I watched on Youtube this week:
Knitting socks on a knitting machine
Someone unpacking a box containing their recently ebay-purchased knitting machine
Sweet Tomato Heels
Navajo plying
Space dyeing sock yarn
Yarn Harlot talking about the reaction she gets when she tells people she writes 'knitting humour' books.
Cat Bordhi spinning yarn with a tennis ball and an elastic band - you really must watch this one!

Your beloved will find something interesting about 'swimming techniques' on Youtube and will go on at length about how brilliant Youtube is and how he had no idea there were such good things on it and that his friend at work told him about it, even though you've been telling him about if for the past four years.
(I'm not providing links cos that'll stop you having all the fun of discovering them for yourself.)
Thing #17
Slimming World crustless quiche is actually very very tasty and even your husband and children will want to eat it.....and it's free on Extra Easy folks!
Thing #18
You will realise after writing a very long blog post that, in actual fact, you've been far too generous in sharing your pearls of wisdom and could have used this as blog fodder for at least five posts thus saving yourself anguish and sleepless nights as you try to think of something worth blogging about.


p.s. Thing #19
The blind panic you feel when you've just completed a lengthy blog post and pressing one button makes it disappear from Blogger is a very real and worthy emotion as is the relief when you press a few more buttons and find it again.
ugh - Thing #20
Bloody Blogger does not respond to threats or swearing when it keeps mucking up the spacing on your latest blog post,.